So I’d start off by saying I am maybe the only person other than the 3.5k other weirdo’s who has so far written a review for Tinder. Sounds weird but you’ll get a decent-sized explanation for it soon. I mean this app is just nuts, you catch up, you hang out, try a new dessert place nearby, watch the latest John Cussack movie ( They don’t have those boomboxes now do they? ), or for the vast majority of people “TINDER” means “GET HOOKED”.
A little background, just a brief. Not a hookup kind of a guy, a little flirt and just get some company over a couple of beers. So I put my bio “ MIT Sloan School of Business” well I did study there! I swiped a couple/day and repeated my whole history right from the very start. I was now fed up with it, took the conversation to any fucking tangent, from just getting to know, to maybe getting dirty over chat, discuss music interests, etc. Continued this for the first two days to later find a decent match. She had a black and white picture ( kind of a silhouette ) of her hair( medium-sized a little over the shoulder). We started talking about each other. She turns up with a challenge! Tell me something interesting about you and I’ll share mine if the vibe matches we catch up or else I have a lot of hot guys in the queue. I know deep within that I am nothing compared to these 6 pack shredded motherfuckers posing in front of the mirror. This put me under pressure and I approached it a little differently.
So I was like I am one of the firsts in my family to go to the MIT Sloan School of Business at the age of 18 and that was when I went backpacking on the west coast for one whole month covering Vegas, LA, and Seattle. She seemed to be just above OK hearing it, I knew I blew it up! You don’t talk about educational qualifications on Tinder. Fuck me!
She says well I saved a guy from committing suicide on a night trek they sneaked out from the hostel walls. Well, quite the adventure nut I hit upon! The deal was simple both say one each and if both feel interested you catch up for drinks coming Friday! My lucky day, she said yes to that crap. We talked on and on, switched to Snapchat starting snapping without faces! The connect was immediate as we were not only into the conversation with each other but were attracted to each other curves. So one day we decide to meet and she ends up sleeping throughout the day! I was damn pissed as I had faith in this person I was chatting to, she was the one I wanted to hang out with for sure that Friday! She was cool in her own way and carefree just FUCK THE WORLD! and live the moment kind of a girl! So she wakes up at 9:00 PM and replies as though nothing happened. I played it cool too, but maybe she was too smart to understand the tone of the chat. So Amrita says see I messed up I sleep like a pig, I feel guilty can we meet now? It was a Wednesday/ Thursday as far I can recollect and it was 10:30 PM already. I was a little wary of the late-night meet but again those curves made me go drive 12 km straight.
I got all decked up, got my shades on, the Dolce Gabbana smelling miles away. It was my first date, so I can’t blame the show I put up. I made a table reservation for two and made it to the place, late as usual. So if you would’ve read carefully you would realize that we never showed our faces or shared our numbers. I mean obviously, I could recognize that ass from miles apart but it was more of a semi-blind date. I ordered a beer then another, she just didn’t seem to revert to my texts. I completely lost my hopes ordered some fries and wiled my time away. I ordered for the check and was about to block her and then came a girl rushing her way through asking for this guy named Hilton. She seemed to be straight right gorgeous, dusky just the way I like it and I knew this was Amrita for sure.
I sat and sipped on my beer, put my notifications on silent and watched the show. She kept asking everyone and texted me continuously, but a few minutes of fun never did any harm!! I reserved the table under a pseudo-name so the hotel guys weren’t able to trace back to me. After 5 minutes she just sat down and ordered for a Martini. A couple of minutes later she went to the washroom and came back with a guy smiling and his hands above her shoulders. I knew I was doomed, all the fun looking at her distress, soon turned into a nightmare. I barged to their table and sat on the extra chair put up. May I take a seat? I asked the lady. The guy didn’t seem to like my intrusion, well who cares she’s my date! She was a little startled, but did seem to understand I was the guy she was waiting for. So he’s like sorry is there a problem here and turned towards her. She seemed to enjoy it as well and just smirked. He turned to me and asked me to leave. I was pissed so damn pissed I would have blown the fucking brains out of him. I was like let’s take this out, shall we? and he was definitely game!!
So as we proceeded outside I knew this would end up bad, but was definitely worth the shot. She came running and stopped us both, she asked him to get the fuck lost and told him she was with me and I was an old friend of her’s. Well, eventually he put a dumb face and left but I was definitely in the mood to kick his balls. So that happened and now it was time to actually start with the “so-called” Tinder date.
She couldn’t stop laughing looking at me and my emotions. She had the smallest eyes I have ever seen but in them, I saw a spark, a subtle genuineness. She called the waiter and asked him to get two shots of Tequila to cool the heat of the moment. She toasted to “all the male chauvinist pigs in the world” and we just gulped it down. I started with my background and how I ended up in LA that Summer. She ordered more drinks while she just sat and listened to me with utmost concentration. She spoke about her previous dates the boring ones, the creepy ones, and her adventurous life. She was an NGO activist, had a traveler’s blog and published a few papers on addiction and mindfulness. She was the complete opposite of me, here I stood with a Bachelor’s degree in Electrical engineering struggling my ass off in these white-collar jobs.
So it’s been an hour and she just kept laughing, I knew I could flirt a little, wasn’t too bad at it either. She asked me do you dance or you’re too much into these wires and circuits you keep talking about. I did a few classes of salsa back in the day, one of my exes was a big-time dancer. She stood up and I obviously asked her to go ahead and soon did I realized she’s fucking tall. I couldn’t quite put a number to it but maybe 5 feet 9 inches. She had all my fucking attention, her thick thighs, that booty I mean this was my first fucking date! and I was overwhelmed with this app called “Tinder”.
She took me to the dance floor, grabbed my tie and took my hand right up her waist. She whispered slowly to my ear “Dance like you want me, just don’t stalk at my ass like you’ve been doing for the past 10 minutes”. We danced for almost 20 odd minutes, she took my hands right up her ass and we were really comfortable. This comfort zone was so much visible that in a few moments the spotlight was on us. We were like fire and ice, so opposite yet symbiotic. The crowd started cheering and I knew this was the moment, I leaned forward and smooched her. At this moment I so wanted to stare at that creep who approached her at the start of the night and show him this is how it’s done, bitch! She grabbed my hand and started walking away from the dance floor. We approached the washroom made it to second base, and as I thought it was time for “it”, there came a twist in the plot. She said I want to do something else, something different, sex is too cliched.
I mean what next after all of this, doesn’t it lead to sex end of the day! She said take me somewhere, far far away from this concrete jungle. I don’t want to hook up and end up blocking you tomorrow, I want to spend the weekend with you someplace far far away. OK, so where was all this heading isn’t tinder for Hookups? So maybe I was too drunk or maybe she had something different about her, I said: “I AM GAME!”. These three words and the decision I took changed my whole fucking life.
It was 3:00 AM already and this beautiful lady next to me asked for something and I really had to live up to her expectations. I booked a rental car on-spot and bloody drove for 9 fucking hours straight to the wild wild west. Yes, I drove from LA to the Grand Canyon at 3:30 AM fucking drunk with my tinder date. I’ll leave the events on the journey for some other day and to your wild imagination. There we went trekking, made out in the wildest of the terrains and life was so spot-on. She came up to me and told Hilton I don’t know where we are heading but I really think I am falling in love. That did surprise me a little because I thought maybe she is this person with every fucking one. I made it clear in my head that I don’t want to fall for her because it is just going to hurt me more. So the trip ended and the weekend did too, so on our way back, we stopped at this beautiful lake right when the sun was setting.
She sat down on her knees and said those three magical words “I LOVE YOU”.
So again coming back to the title of my article “Drawing the line on Tinder-ing”. The world of dating we live in a very fake yet exciting one. You want to develop the right amount of feelings to live the moment but not enough to cross the line and sound creepy as to say those three bloody words. My story is one that has ups and down’s throughout the timeline of it, but it didn’t end well for both of us because we never realized where to draw the line, or maybe was the line actually required!
